BORN SLOPPY
2003
Transcribed by meisgirlangel

Sara Cox: We've got a bit of a corker for you tonight, we've got proper Hollywood filmstars and everything. Mr American Pie and quite a dreamboat Chris Klein is here and Scooby Doo star Freddie Prinze Jr.

(camera goes to outside where Freddie and Chris are getting out of a car, there are people giving them fish and chips)

Freddie Prinze Jr.: Alriight, fish and chips. (laughs)

Chris Klein: (nods) Thank you.

(They go inside and upstairs; crowd cheers)

S: I think Chris and Freddie, are you there, come on lads, here they come.

(They appear and walk through the crowd to the sofas; crowd cheers)

S: There we go Freddie, well done, how are you. Hello Chris sir, you alright *shakes Chris' hand*

(All sit down)

F: (Takes off hat, gloves and scarf) So uh, you guys don't like fish and chips, you just pawn it off on all the Americans yeah.

(Chris laughs)

S: Yeah, yeah we just flog it to you lot when you come over.

F: Fantastic.

S: Have you had any of them?

F: No.

S: No, good, probably been lying about all day.

F: Nor will I.

S: Um, okay dokey then. So how are you are you coping with the weather over here?

F: Nah, not one bit.

S: You hate it?

F: I'm Puerto Rican, we're not made for this kinda cold, not one bit. We live on an island this big (makes a tiny circle with his hands) and it's warm all the time, and this is just, snow and me dont work out well at all.

S: Not think it's quite romantic?

F: I'm with Chris it's not romantic!

C: There's nothing romantic about him and I walking through the snow!

(Freddie and Chris laugh)

S: Dunno why, it's painted a picture for me that I'm enjoying!

F: Oh I'm glad, I'm glad.

S: Not been watching any Eastenders or Richard and Judy?

F: No, actually I, you know what I think I have seen a Richard and Judy but I haven't seen Eastenders.

S: Whaddya think of Judy? She's a bit of a fox.

F: She's a fox?

(crowd laughs)

S: Well I think so!

F: Alriight! (smiles) Well I'm glad you love her so!

S: Why you here in London then?

F: You wanna start? Go ahead and start.

C: Uh, we're uh, we're gonna be picking up "This Is Our Youth" at the Garrick Theatre, uh on this December 23rd, I'm playing Dennis Zigler, he's Warren..

F: It's January 23rd, actually.

C: Oh, what'd I say?

F: You said December 23rd.

C: Oh..

F: .. which would be next year but that's OK.

C: Oh yeah..

S: I was just looking at our eyes, I wasn't listening anyway!

C: Still missing Christmas..

F: He's just dreamy, so you can say whatever you want. (rubbing Chris' back)

S: So dreamy.

F: See!

S: Now then we're about to get the audience to ask a couple of questions for you, we've got quite a good researcher but but she's been shagging a builder in Minehead all week so she's been too busy to write any questions, but she's in a much better mood..

F: OK

S: At last, so eh we'll find a nice audience member for you, eh Chris I think we'll start with you first if that's alright, we'll get a girl.

C: Alright

S: A nice lady, oh, oh now that's Sylvia, I know Sylvia. She was so excited about you boys earlier on she threw up all over her own legs.

(Chris and Freddie look at each other nodding)

S: She had to change her top and..

F: Adds to the romance..

S: I lent her that top actually, and Sylvia's question to you Chris is "I'm looking forward to seeing you in 'This Is Our Youth.' Could you please give us your favourite line from the play please?"

C: (Nods) I think my favourite line is probably uh.. (looks straight into the camera) "You are so stupid man, I mean this definetely crowns your career as an idiot."

(crowd cheer)

S: That's quite good actually, and Sylvia's gonna be sick again, you better watch it love..

(Freddie is clapping too)

S: It was alright, I went to see the show recently and eh it starred Colin "Son Of Tom" Hanks, and it is quite a hard act to follow..

F: That's his middle name actually

S: It is, it's true, I think it's French..

(Chris laughs)

S: So eh, we asked him if he had any advice for you two and this is what he said.

(Clip of Colin Hanks in a dressing room smoking and reading a script)

"Yeah, I'm gonna be really sad that you're gonna go and no, I'm not bitter, any of that stuff, I really mean this whole-heartedly and I'm sure you're gonna be great, uh, Mr. American Pie whatever (sarcastically) roller balls, all that good stuff. Um, but I'm sure you're gonna bring a lot to the role, the floppy hair, square jaw line (Chris laughing) masculine physique all that kinda stuff, but ah, you know, just remember ah, you know beginners call means (shouting) get your ass to the stage!"

(Chris and Freddie laughing)

S: He sounds like his dad, big Tom, just me then, right then let's move on, question number 2 then. Let's find a nice boy for Freddie, if you will, for Freddie, oh there you go, that's Harry...

F: Easy!

S: I know, Harry's actually 7 foot tall, we're using some mirrors and pulleys there..

F: (laughing) Fantastic.

S: Um, and he once followed Will Young around the local Asda, don't ask. Uh and his question is "Uh, is it true, uh Freddie, that you recently started learning to tap dance?"

F: Uh, not recently no, it's since I was a little kid yeah..

S: Really?

F: Since I was a little kid. I was about six years old, and uh, we didn't have anything else to do, so that was kinda, if you weren't good at anything else, you went to tap classes.

S: That's..

F: When you were six it sucked but all of a sudden when you're..

C: (Mocking) When you were six it sucked.

F: When you were 21 all of a sudden you were cool and eclectic so uh yeah, I've been dancing for a while.

S: We are from different places, coz if you were 21 you wouldn't be cool for tap dancing here.

F: Nah, in Amercia it's smooth (does little smooth action with his hand)

S: Really?

F: We have cats like..

S: You just go up to a girl and be (does jazzy hand, tap dancing motions)

F: Nah, nah that's not tap dancing. Tap dancing is like the old cats like Sammy Davis Jr., Buster Brown, Jimmy Slide, guys like...

S: Oh, well money where your mouth is (clears table) do ya wanna, get up on the table, come on..

F: Get up on the table?

S: Come on then (crowd cheers)

(Freddie looks at Chris then gets up, Chris slaps his back, clapping. Freddie then does a little tap dance..tap, tap tap.. and so on, it's really good by the way, very stylish)

(crowd goes mad)

F: That's it

C: Yeah man!

(Freddie gets down off the table)

S: Ok, Freddie was right that was indeed music.

F: That was a little taste, just a little taste..

S: A bit of the bass there I like that.

F: There ya go

S: Well it was alright, I mean lets hear a real pro, wheres my tiny little girl, where is, she's so tiny.. (camera goes to little girl with pigtails and a frilly dress, she strides to the stage and gets up on the table)

F: There she is

S: Here she is, come on little lady

F: Alriiight

(Crowd cheers)

S: Get ready for this, are you ready, here she goes..

(Girl tap dances to "21 seconds", Freddie looks on nodding along. People cheer, Freddie whispers to Chris and Chris laughs. Freddie claps to the little girl whilst she chants "I'm better than you")

S: Very good

F: That's a little Shirley Temple!

S: I know, she'd give you the vees (fingers up) as well, rough area... right then my little darlings, I do wish you the world of luck with your play, hope you enjoy it..

F: That's very nice

C: Thank you

F: That's very nice

S: And I thought perhaps I want to give you a little special present to wish you luck eh, so we thought since your appearing on stage together but you've never actually appeared, am I right, you've never appeared in a movie together have you not?

F: No, no/

S: Not until now.

F: Alriiight

S: Because Born Sloppy are regulars in (makes it up) Video Vandals at Osemesu Sell On De Cart Communicay, they've sort of united you, Klein and Prinze Jr., for the first time on screen.

F: (shouts and claps) Yeah! That'll be great, that'll be be funny.

(Clips of Freddie on Scooby Doo and the interview on the Scooby Doo DVD to some weird music. It's all been edited to say..)

"F: He really, he really is much more important than myself and ah, and ah, and ah, a bit bigger, he is, he's a bit, he's a bit, he's a bit sensitive

(then a picture of Chris' head with a fake moving mouth and subtitles saying..)

"C: I love Freddie, he's great

(Freddie and Chris laughing)

he's so great, I wanna marry him, I, I, I, I, I wanna marry him"

(edited clips again of Freddie)

"F: Oh my god are you kidding I love that, love that and I adore him, and I adore him

(Freddie's hand is edited backwards and forwards in motions at his mouth.. I'll let you picture that one)

"F: Yes, he's a pretty smart guy"

(Back to Chris' head)

"C: I love Freddie, he's great, he's so great

(Freddie and Chris laughing hysterically)

"C: I wanna marry him, I, I, I, I, I wanna marry him"

(Back to Freddie clips)

"F: And I laughed and thought it was funny, and I laughed and thought it was funny. But ah, I very much love him, and ah, a couple of days later it all worked out in the end."

(crowd cheers, Chris and Freddie are just looking at each other and laughing)

(Electric Six then play a song)

(After Electric Six)

S: Chris, I've heard you were quite hot stuff at school eh when it came to American football.

(Chris and Freddie look at each other)

F: (starts laughing slowly)

S: Can you throw good?

C: Yeah I can throw alright.

F: He can throw alright, I've seen him thorw.

S: Oh, see Freddie's got faith in you. If you want to win, you can win ten english pounds.

C: Oh Boy!

S: Ten pounds yes! And what you've gotta do is throw that ball through that window from across that street, do you wanna go have a go?

C: Absoloutely.

S: Alright wicked.

C: For ten pounds?

S: For ten quid, let's go

(Crowd cheer, Chris pats Freddies back, Freddie nods to say goodbye, Chris goes)

S: Alright so eh, Chris is gonna prove his hand to ball co-ordination after the break, stay tuned for that.

(Camera zooms away from Freddie and Sara clapping and we see Chris go out the door downstairs before the break)

(After the break the camera flys from Chris outside ready to throw, to the sofas, with Electric Six playing in the background)

S: Come on then Chris, the honour of Amercia and of course the tenner is at stake, see if you can lob that ball through that window. Good luck lad.

(Crowd go OOOOOH! waiting for him to throw, Chris throws and the ball smashes the corner of the window but doesn't go through, the crowd cheers)

S: Alright there, get to keep the tenner, that's for the glazers bill. Chris come on darling upstairs, that was smashing.. smashing, smashing, do you see what I did there?

(Nicole and Natalie Appleton then come on to be interviewed and Freddie gets up to greet them, handshakes and hellos. Chris comes back in, and they sit at the end of the sofa, because Freddie moved up for the girls, aw!)

S: We are a phenomenally well connected bunch of crazy people here, what, you're married to the lovely Sarah Michelle Gellar aren't you?

F: (proudly) I am (nodding)

S: And Chris, do you see Katie Holmes, is she your lady?

C: Yep, yep

S: And you (referring to Nic and Nat) of course have the two Liam's between you.

N&N: Yep, yep

S: Well we didn't want you to get homesick you guys coz you're away from your loved ones, and you've been separated..

Nic: Today.

(Freddie and Chris laugh)

C: For a few hours I'm sure.

F: A few hours.

S: Young love you know. So we thought we'd get some professional celebrity lookalikes..

F: Alriiight

S: There in my magic cupboard, please welcome along Sarah, Katie, Liam and Liam!

(the lookalikes run out of the cupboard, everyone cheers, Freddie and Chris are clapping)

F: You look good man (to Liam Gallagher lookalike)

F: (laughing at Liam) I like the army jacket!

S: Freddie, whaddya reckon, does she look like your Sarah?

F: (unsure, because she doesn't) Um.. she got a little close on the eyes, got a little, not the same colour but similar eyes.

S: Katie Holmes next, or is it or is it not Kaite, whaddya think Chris?

C: Uh, different smile.

S: Very pretty lady though isn't she?

C: Oh, very pretty.

F: Absoloutely (laughing because she also looks nothing like her)

C: But not my girl.

(They move onto the two Liam's, the second is Liam Gallagher and Freddie and Chris are laughing and saying "Yeah, nice, good look" etc. They then have to guess for £50 which of the lookalikes make a living out of this. Colin Hanks says "Katie Holmes, more like Eamon Holmes")

Nic: I don't think it's the girls.

C: I don't think it's the girls.

F: I don't think it's the girls.

N&N: It's gotta be Gallagher.

(The Sarah lookalike steps forward and Chris and Freddie go Oooh! in shock, they clap)

F: Nice.

S: So yes Sarah Michelle Gellar, she gets £500 for an appearance.

F: Really?

C: In England?

S: Yes.

F: I should be a Freddie Prinze Jr. lookalike!

(Sara says how they'll be in the celeb lounge and the bar later, Freddie alrights again, then Nic and Nat get up to perform, Freddie alrights again, and both boys clap)

(After performance)

S: I have to say lads, in part 3 we'll be hanging out the window playing "Name That Game", whatever windows are left after you (points to Chris) smashed the up. (Freddie starts laughing at Chris) And hopefully we'll see Colin (a guy who also sort of hosts the show, not Hanks this time) frolicing bollock naked in the snow.

F: Alright

(Sara starts talking again, Freddie turns to Chris and says "Real bollocks?" then it goes to the break)

(After second break)

(The show has little weird clips before it comes on, and theres one about parachuting squirrels, and if you catch one to squeeze its tail, as demonstrated by Freddie Prinze Jr., then theres a little picture of Freddie's head and a fake hand squeezing a squirrel, it's funny)

S: Welcome back, we've gone all A-list on Born Sloppy with Freddie Prinze Jr. and Chris Klein.

(They then play "Name That Tune" where a car speeds by a window playing a song which they have to identify. Nic and Nat go first at 25mph and get it right, then Chris gets it right at 27mph, Freddies next, he also has his jacket, scarf and gloves back on)

S: Ooh, you've gotta go faster than 27mph.

F: I gotta go 30, I gotta go 30.

S: Full notch ladies and gentlemen!

(cheers)

F: (moves head from side to side as if warming up, smiles)

S: We've got a big van for you.

F: Thank God!

S: Go!

F: (before the van starts driving) I got nothing!

(car passes)

F: Ok, I'm good, I'm good. I just won a toy. That's a little brand new stuff from Missy Elliot and uh, what's the name of the song though, uh Lemme Work It.

S: Let's see if you're right.

(the song comes on, Sara and crowd cheer, Freddie and Sara start dancing. Freddie is nodding his head and putting his hands which are palm flat together up to his head and down again in a dancey sort of way. Sara is wiggling her bum at Freddie, and looks sad because Freddie doesn't seem to notice)

S: You win the prize!

F: Nah I want the dancing, that was good (to make her feel better)

(Sara starts dancing again)

F: Ya'll can have this (the toy) I get dancing!

S: Ooh, my hips dislocated and not only that but you win an introduction to this lady.

(clip of woman in the 50s doing a lil dance, Freddie clapping and clenching a fist like hes happy, and also saying "yeah!", whilst showing his prize to the camera. Then the clip of Colin doing snow angels is on, and Freddie and Chris are back on the sofas. Freddies is killing himself laughing at Colin's screams and swears at how cold it is. Sara then thanks them both for being here, and the show ends, with Freddie and Chris clapping before going outside)

Copyright © 2003 Born Sloppy. All Rights Reserved.